A picture is worth a thousand words

Since Thea's birth I have found celebrating her life has been important but it hasn't always been easy. Celebrating the life of a baby who never really got the chance to live has no handbook, there is no social conventions or normals here. Traditionally people celebrate a persons life by sharing memories and accounts of…

Dear Thea

Its about 2hours before clock here in the UK will strike midnight and mark the beginning of 2018 and the end of 2017. Part of me wants to stick my middle finger up at 2017, close the door on it and never look back. 2017 has without a doubt been a challenge. 2017 sucked. But…

generation 2017

Having spent my entire 20’s doing everything possible to avoid getting pregnant when you finally decide you want a baby it feels very strange- unprotected sex! I can remember the first time I had unprotected sex, and thinking…’oh my god, what if we make a baby?’ even though that was exactly the plan. But now…

imagining the unimaginable.

Before you start reading this: I think I need to add a disclaimer- I get a bit ranty! Because ya know, if you can’t rant about the fact your baby died what can you legitimately rant about? So…there is your warning…you have been warned. A person who loses a spouse is called a widow, or…

Thank you

Five  months ago we received the worst news I feel we could have ever been given, that our baby was never going to be coming home with us the way had planned, and we embarked on what has literally been the hardest and darkest days of our lives so far. I remember thinking and saying,…

Getting out unscathed.

I have always wanted to be the best possible version of myself, and while I am sure I have hurt more people than I realise in my 31 years it has never been my intention. My intentions have always been to be kind, supportive, be there for friends, not to let people down. When I…

My baby

  Wrapped in a blanket warm This little one has just been born We fell in love instantly Now a family of three   She's perfect with a button nose Tiny feet and tiny toes Little hands and little nails Never cries and never wails   Lying there against my chest Cradled in the place…

Waiting out the in-between

(on a boat in the ocean apparently) Recently I have started to feel like I am existing, waiting in the in-between. Socially and emotionally I am no longer sure exactly where I fit. I am a mother yet I have no child to care for- despite desperately trying to show my love- through the blog…

Fearing the future

It been nearly 3 months since we lost Thea. Things are starting to get easier, I’m not healed, I still cry most days, probably every day. Some days harder than others, but they are softer tears now and more gentle. My heart still aches, I can feel it aching most of the time, but I…

Still a mama

Parenting with empty arms can be so hard, no one can see your baby, no one can see your love or pain. How much I want hear someone say ‘what a cute baby!’ ‘Oh how old is she?’ -‘6 weeks? Oh my god you look amazing.’ But as I walk down the street nobody can…